Sammi | Boudoir photography | Illinois Boudoir photographer

Why Did you want to participate in this session? 

S: I think I've held myself back from the feeling of joy. I don't make it an effort to spoil myself and after the chaos that just engulfed my life I found that little things like this is important.

What kind of chaos?

S: My battle with staying alive......I fell into a whirlwind of catastrophe and had no way of getting out. I was drinking excessively to numb emotions. I was harming my body in ways no human should harm themselves. It honestly didn't feel real....I didn't feel real. But the consequences that came with that chaos was VERY real.

What happened?

S: I have excessive liver damage from popping pills and drinking. I have scars I have to live with....I was in the hospital for 5 days before I even woke up. 

What were you emotions before doing this shoot?

S: Terrified...but can you blame me? It's not everyday you just strip down to your garments and take pictures......okay maybe with you yeah but other people no. hahah I think I was more at ease because I'm doing this in front of my best friend, you've seen me in all ways.

Do you have anything that keeps you going through the hard times?

S: My friends....I know I should be saying family first but I wouldn't have been able to get through those few months without the support of my friends, they understand from a different viewpoint than my family members. I wasn't treated any less of a human being when I was in the hospital, in patient and out patient. They embraced me for me, didn't focus on the subject unless I was ready to talk about it and that was important. Hiking and nature walks have also been very important. I lost A LOT of weight after the hospital and staying active has kept my mental health at a balance.

What would you say to people battling and addiction or mental health crisis?

S: It's okay to cry.....It's okay to be human, It's okay to feel and be angry and ask for help. I realized I put my pride first because I didn't think there was anything wrong with me.....once things got out of my control I hid. Don't do that it's not fun. No one should go throw pain and suffering alone, I am happy to have people who understand my conflicts and flaws but accept me when I need to vent. Find people who are willing to treat you as a person and not this fragile flower everyone else sees. Cause let me tell you I am one Bad Ass Mother Fucker.

How do you feel after the session?

S: Well I am kinda sitting in front of you naked....I realized the more we photographed the more I just wanted to feel my body free. I know people get intimidated about being naked in front of people but you have this vibe about you that gives a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. Which is good. I think people will feel willing to be vulnerable in front of you. You've always had that.

What can you take away from this adventure?

S: That I love myself. This imperfect body with scars, blemishes, roles, wrinkles....I love it. I think it's put up with a lot of my bullshit and I love that. I think my ass looks cute and my boobs are still hanging in there for being 22 lol. I can look at myself differently and like the warrior I have become

You definitely are a warrior! What can you tell people about this session?

S: It's healing. Being stripped down by laughter and unconditional encouragement is healing. I had moments of complete calmness laying on that damn chair! I felt alive. I felt refreshed. I cried, you cried, it was nice. We blasted music, hugged and shook our booties and had a fun time. Bring friends along and enjoy each others company, screw being intimidated in front of others while being nude. It's a body lol